But on Good Friday I just want to pause for a minute an give a voice to some of my doubts.
There is no better time than Good Friday to have a doubt or two.
So, here goes:
Do I really believe that?
That Jesus died for us? And does Jesus' death matter? I mean, if I'm gonna die too... what good is someone dying for us? If in the end... in 15 years, 15 months, 15 days, or for some, 15 seconds from now we will all end up in the realm of the dead, what is the point?
What is today about? As I revisit the story, I am starting to suspect something that may look like doubt to some. Something new that would change everything.
... maybe Jesus didn't die for us...
As in, in exchange for us. As in, for our sin. As in, one for one, transactional death to pay the penalty for those things we owed God because we were born in sin.
That pay-the-penalty Jesus is easy to need and hard to love.
And regarding this "born into sin" concept, I have some real issues with that. Being born some way shouldn't instill guilt in anyone. After all, no one can help how they are born.
I think there is a reason why the oldest folks left first when Jesus said, “Whoever hasn’t sinned should throw the first stone*" to those who were accusing the woman caught in adultery.
We older folks know that it is harder to condemn absolutely, black-and-whitely, hard and fast sins. The older I get, the more grey everything becomes; but maybe it is just my vision going bad.
Regardless, the more I understand about life and the more I live, the less willing I am to throw a stone at a prostitute. Because, well, that prostitute might be me.
I think that is what Jesus was getting at on Good Friday... "Solidarity."
Or in more Nazarene terms, "Holiness"
Or in more hippie terms, "Wholeness"
Or in more eastern religious terms, "Oneness."
What if Jesus didn't die in exchange for us but in solidarity with us.
What if he subjected himself to backstabbing, injustice, hatred, holy rage and irresponsible use of government power because his children have been subjected to those things and he wasn't going to exempt himself because he could have escaped them.
What if he entered the karma, the consequences, the result of selfishness, hatred, war and injustice even when he didn't deserve it in order to unify the sacred and the secular.
Everything was reborn with the potential for holiness (oneness, wholeness) when the curtain in the Holy of Holies was torn in two from top to bottom.
What if he shared in our shattered self images that come from interacting and experiencing our own evils, our own wills that would rather be done, our own conflicted and divided selves, our own self-loathing, our own suicides and the illnesses that dualistically fight within our bodies.
In the experience on the cross, Jesus, the eternal being, became non-being. The ultimate paradox that makes possible the unifying of our divided selves into our wholistic (holy, one) self.
Did you hear that? God is dead.
If you want a reason to doubt on Good Friday, here you go: GOD IS DEAD.
God cannot not die. God can die.
God did die.
God didn't not die because he did not want to. God died though God didn't want to.
God died so God could be one with those who had already died (and those who will die)
God died and the curtain opened to everything's holiness potential
God died and "gave up his Spirit" (makes you wonder, to whom?)
God died next to humans and alongside all humanity
So we could be one, as he is one (whole, holy)
Finally. (my translation of: "it is finished")
If Jesus died for us, it was in a different way that commonly taught. If Jesus died for us, it was to be with us in all the demons that we know, all the death-acts we take part in and in the place we are all headed toward.
It was for solidarity's sake.
Because he didn't condemn the prostitute: he married her***John 8:7 CEB
** She goes by the church universal
